Editors note: This series was first published at Biblical Counseling Through Song. It is our hope that sharing this journey of heartache and worship with Tom Murphy will be an encouragement to our readers who find themselves in similar situations.
Mayday got its start as an international distress call in 1923. It was made official in 1948. It was an idea of Frederick Mockford, who was a senior radio officer at Croydon Airport in London. He came up with the idea for “mayday” because it sounded like the French word m’aider, which means “help me”. Thank God for the French.
On this first of May—Mayday— I am crying out, “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! Help!”
I need help.
My marriage is on fire and I can not douse the flames. I ask you to please pray alongside us, alongside my wife and me. Please pray for repentance, relational healing, and reconciliation. I trust in Psalm 121.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? 2 My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth3 He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. 4 Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.5 The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. 6 The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.7 The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. 8 The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore. Psalm 121 (ESV)
The past year, since May 23rd, 2017, to be exact, has been the hardest year of my life. As I am told, my wife is planning to file for divorce on May 23rd, 2018. Barring a miracle and an evident outpouring of the Holy Spirit, that is the course we are on.
In order to cope and survive the next month, I plan on blogging frequently as I grieve and read through C.S. Lewis’s A Grief Observed. For lack of originality, I am calling the writings “A Divorce Observed.” Known to his friends and those in his Rabbit Room meetings as Jack, Lewis wrote A Grief Observed to cope with the loss of his wife, Joy. I am in a time of unbearable personal suffering. I do not want to waste a moment of it. I want this writing to be a source of worship.
You may be asking why I originally published this on the Biblical Counseling Through Song blog and not a more personal medium. In time, we’ll get to that. Suffice it to say that in my vocational calling, I don’t have the luxury of allowing the public and private to be separated.
For now, this evening, I chose to worship.
Every first Tuesday of the month in Knoxville, Tennessee, Will Reagan, one of the members of the band United Pursuit, leads a worship session called Love War. When you boil it all down, this struggle to save my marriage is a Love War. May I war and worship well…
The loudest lie that I hear often, and am prone to believe, is that I am alone. All alone.
This was tonight. Some clips of our worship and some of the lyrics.
I Am Not Alone. Pray with me…